


My disgrace

by pixiedurango



Series: The Arya Trevelyan Files [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alcohol, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Heavy Drinking, Romance, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-16 11:42:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4624077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixiedurango/pseuds/pixiedurango
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>set right after the balcony scene.</p><p> </p><p>Blackwall literally flees from Aryas arms and tries getting drunk for he thinks he does not deserve her. <br/>Written after this propt:</p><p>"Okay okay okay. so Blackwall, Being mopey about how his life is a lie and everything and he’s like “I’m a disgrace ):” Then Trevelyan comes in and says “you’re my disgrace" "</p>
            </blockquote>





	My disgrace

Blackwall entered his workshop next to the stables and opened the chest where he stored some of his belongings. A bottle of Whiskey for example. And this was exactly what he thought he needed now.

He was devastated but not devastated enough to pour the spirit directly from the bottle so the searched for the glass he was also keeping there and he filled it about 4 fingers high.

He sighed. Placing himself next to the fire staring into the flames. He shook his head to himself then took a deep sip.

What had he been thinking? All this flirting and finally showing up in the Inquisitors chambers and confessing his affection. He knew that making bonds, allowing feelings, not to speak of love was out of question. He could not allow it to him self.

But he had not been able to stay away. She was daring him with every move, every glance, every word, every gesture. And he had not been able to resist. Maker knows he tried. But tonight he had allowed him self to be weak by crossing an invisible border. Meeting her in the privacy of her rooms. Talking about his feelings.

He knew he should not give in to his longings and start a romantic relationship of any kind. Not with her, not with anybody. But especially not with her. She was the Inquisitor and he was a…

He did not even allow himself to finish the thought. Tried to drown it with another gulp of Whiskey.

He desperately had tried to tell her. Frightened by his own courage.

Of course he went not into details but he had thought if he just made sure enough that he was not worthy of her she would send him away. Annoyed by his reluctance. But she did not. Stubborn like a wild horse she had insisted to keep him.

Of course he wanted her. Who wouldn’t. She was stunning. Having her in his arms. Kissing her, feeling her heart beat faster. He was swept away in a wave of affection.

But how could she not see that he was not worth her attention? That he was not even worth of dreaming about being with the Inquisitor.

She did not pay attention when he insisted about honor and duty and being not worthy enough.

And he was too weak to object for he wanted to believe what she believed.

He had been weak all his life.

And a coward.

Sooner or later she would learn about him. Who he was. What he had done. The moment the truth would be revealed would be the moment she would have to send him away immediately.

He felt he needed more Whiskey to make this pain go away. At least for this night. But it already felt wrong. He suddenly realized that drinking himself into a stupor would not work anymore. This feeling of disgrace for his own fucking existence would never again fade away, not even for a night.

„What the fuck do you think you are doing here, Blackwall?” her voice was sharp and he jumped for he had not noticed she had entered the workshop.

„My… Lady.” his tongue was heavy but he felt sobered at once hearing her talking in her ‚inquisitors voice’. „Just… thinking.”

„Drinking you mean…” a little smirk twitched the edges of her full lips. „And for this you left from my rooms? From my arms? What’s wrong with you? Afraid of your own guts?”

He remained silent. Just standing there trying to scrape together the last remaining pieces of his own dignity. „You should not be here, my lady.”

„And yet I am.” she stepped closer and took the bottle from his hand. „I was worried to be honest. It does not happen that often that a man literally flees after kissing me for the first time. I came to check if everything is all right. Maybe It was me doing something wrong. I came to fix it if necessary.“

He sighed. „You, my lady? That seems unlikely. It’s me. I’m…” he hesitated, desperately in need for making up the right words. „I’m not very used to have the attention of a lady. In fact I still have difficulties to understand why you want to commit yourself to me. I fear I’ll be a huge disgrace.”

Her smile went soft and she stretched out her hand to caress his bearded cheek. „I don’t care Blackwall. I want that. I want you. And even if you may appear a disgrace in anyones eyes for any reason I’ll boldly stand up and tell them that you are my disgrace and no one elses.” and with that she slung her arms around him and he could not help but also embrace her and let their lips meet for a passionate kiss.

She had no idea what she was just offering to him but he wanted to believe, that it could be just as easy as that.

That gave him the courage he needed to hold on to this madness.


End file.
